11 years ago I lost over 100lbs naturally. It took me 10 years to admit that.
What I felt after my weight loss was not pride or accomplishment, it was shame and embarrassment that I chose to allow my body to become a dumping ground for all the stored up emotions that I was not equipped to process.
I did not talk about the highest weight I got up to until 2020. I did not talk about the psychological aspects that got me to the weight. I did not speak about how I felt about my body, how I felt about me as a human.
At my highest weight I would still strut with confidence in public, and in the privacy of my home despise my body and how it felt. Shame, blame and guilt was the underlying theme of my body image.
I learned A LOT through the first transformation and the seemingly beginning to my transformation in body, mind and spirit.
11 years later I found myself in a similar, "I want to feel and look better" mindset and this was a TOTALLY different experience.
How I spoke to myself about my body this go 'round was a difference maker in my results.
I gave myself a whole lot of compassion and a whole lot of appreciation for the body that has hung with me, despite my neglect. Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.
This time it was all about love.
I love trying other coach's (healers) programs - I picked up the 75 Hard book, had it on my bookshelf for about 2 months before I knew I could commit my mind to it.
I went through a personal uprooting where I was leaving South Florida - sold my belongings to go travel to the west coast and see what that vibe was like - to see where I wanted to live. (This is a whole other blog post and a juicy one at that!)
I experienced grief and mourning for the life I built in south Florida. The only way I could explain the urge to leave was that I was really happy with my life in Ft. Lauderdale and I felt stuck.
In my experience of feeling "loss" of the chapter of my life in the place I grew up wanting to live, in the same month as my birthday, I processed my feelings through comfort food and wine. And I got fluffy...quick!
Before heading west I spent a month long vacation with my family in central Florida.
The fluff accumulated. I got tired of how I felt. I was low energy. I did not like what was staring back at me in the mirror.
On a deeper level I also began to realize I doubted myself when I would go after my dreams.
Something needed to change and I was the only one that could do anything about it. I knew it was brewing, in May I hung up crossfit for the time being and committed to walking 100 miles in the month.
I grabbed 75 Hard, read it in 2 days and picked a start date. Mid-vacation I committed to no alcohol (it seems like an oxymoron!)
Within the first few days of the program - on one of the walks - I made a negotiation with myself.
WHEN I finish this, there is to be no more doubts about myself. The question mark I put over myself in regards to if I can do something is to cease upon completion of this program.
This commitment allowed me to show up for myself every single day - all day - despite circumstances, dating, external events, emotions, challenges, weather, traveling - for 2.5 months.
I traveled cross country, measuring food in my hotel room and doing 2 workouts a day (1 outside) along with drinking a gallon of water (VERY challenging when I'm driving in a car for 10-12 hours a day... imagine the amount of rest stops needed!)
I was rocking the challenge - able to have my workouts be catered to my new home in Denver, Colorado - HIKING! I fell in love with hiking all sorts of mountains. I realized it made me feel like a little kid again, climbing over rocks and jumping across waterfalls.
When we want something, you better believe opportunities will show up to see how bad we want it.
Halfway through my stay in my first travel destination- Denver - I had a very disturbing experience at the place I was staying - I ended up leaving and was figuring out a plan b since I still had 3 weeks left before heading to Montana.
I booked 3 different hotels to be told - despite having reservation confirmations - they didn’t have a room - and still managed to follow my diet and workout twice in the day that entire relocation happened (along with the other components of the challenge)
What was achieved was less important than who I became - and I’m grateful for it all.
Read 4 books:
-The 22 immutable laws of marketing
-The code of the extraordinary mind
-Man’s search for meaning
-The talent code
Walked 100 miles in May
Climbed my first mountain
Climbed a 12 footer
Completed an Olympian’s workout (The Incline in Manitou Springs, Colorado)
Rock scramble up a waterfall (rock scramble is one thing, wet rock scramble is another!!!)
I created an entirely new appreciation for my body that rocked all the physical challenges that I asked of it. Whatever marks, cellulite, imperfections to me is now viewed as pure art when I see my body. Badges of honor...
What a difference in experience when love and gratitude is involved...