Yesterday I completely surrendered.
The conversation went a little like this,
To self: You are just not high energy today, eh? A little grumpy? A little anti-social? You don't even want to be around yourself today, huh? Those days definitely happen. Let's get what you need done and see how you feel later.
Later to self: (grabbing pajamas and pulling covers down in the bed) So...still want to go to sleep, huh? That essential oil diffuser sure is aggressive!* You finished everything you said you would. Time to surrender to what is and CHILL.
* First timer with a diffuser- I put A LOT of lavender oil in (I am now convinced that putting in seemingly hundreds of drops of lavender essential oil in a diffuser is the equivalent of smoking pot - the amount of chill in my space was...extreme lol)
I surrendered to the emotional state I was in: unclear and overly-emotional due to the intense workouts I've been doing twice a day combined with a serious lack of sleep the night prior. I was in a funky mood.
Old me would analyze why I was unclear, tell myself, energy is a state of being and that old John Lennon quote, "you can sleep when you're dead," should drive me and remind me that I'm alive so I should do more.
Old me would beat myself up with toxic positivity, "you have so much to be grateful for, why are you so grumpy?"
Old me would push myself to do more. Push myself to get more tasks done that I had on my master to-do list (even though I didn't schedule them). Push myself to respond to every single message that I had received that was waiting for me.
Surrender and trust.
I surrendered to how I was feeling - without judgement.
Trusting that what I scheduled and completed for the day was enough.
Trusting that as soon as I want to force something (i.e. respond to all messages) - something is out of alignment. Most likely myself with myself and invalidating what I need.
Trusting that taking care of myself is a necessity, not a luxury.
I completed everything I assigned for the day around 4pm.
I had 4+hours left of daylight that I could use to complete more tasks.
I had plenty of time to respond to all the messages.
I could meal prep early or get ahead on a project that is slated for the weekend.
But, I chose to surrender instead.
Netflix fired up.
Sweet potato tortilla chips and mango salsa for dinner. (Yes, I still completed my assigned nutrition plan for the day)
In the end, surrender is NOT some proverbial waving of a white flag to indicate defeat.
Surrender is about trust:
Trust that our needs are valid.
Trust that we deserve to have our needs met, especially from ourselves.
Trusting that what we have done is enough.
Trusting that WE ARE enough.
This is one of my favorite all-time topics because when I have surrendered in major life decisions in the past I have experienced nothing short of magic - and on a more regular basis, when I surrender I experience peace. Peace is the wish I give to people in the beginning of my messages or when I send my thoughts... sure, success and love and all of that is amazing. But to BE peace? Imagine a world where every human felt peaceful. That is a vision I can get behind!